the seventeenth of february

       

My sweet little Bug, 

280 days ago your precious life began. From nothing but mere cells, your being began to form. What an absolute miracle to marvel at. And although today, the day that would have been your birthday, I am here without you, I want you to know what a lasting impact you made on your mother's heart. 

You entered my life for a reason. Your short little life counted. Each heart beat, however brief, echoed through my body and was heard by the Almighty Everlasting Father. You were made in His image. You were loved. You are loved. And you will not be forgotten.

One day I'll hold you. One day I'll kiss your forehead and hear your laugh. I'll look at you and all my questions will be answered. Tears will cease and joy will be unending. But unfortunately, I'll have to wait for that one day. So today, I will just remember the sweet, secret place the two of us shared. 

I love you, 

Mom 

Jeremiah 1:15

Practical Pregnancy Pleasures

February. It has never really been my favorite month. Cold temperatures, annoying "roses are red" rhymes, cheesey heart decorations, etc. But this year, February holds another meaning for Jeff and I. 

Our original date due month for our first child. 

As the seventeenth of February approaches, I expect a roller-coaster of emotions; some down days, some normal, and hopefully a healthy dose of oh-so-good days. However, I also am praying that this month, I would direct my attention away from worries, sorrows, and pain and towards giving thanks for where God has taken me and where He has placed me now. Like for instance, I'm 24 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby girl and enjoying a pretty darn good second trimester. 

Now, I'll be the first to say that one child (or one pregnancy) will NEVER replace another- but sometimes {God gives us certain gifts, at certain times, to reveal certain things about Himself}. God gave me an original February due date, a May (or possibly June) baby, and more trust in His plan than I had before either of the two. 

So as an ode to February, thankfulness, and pregnancy, I've decided to share some practical pregnancy pleasures that I've gathered along the way. May these either become helpful hints to you, or serve as an opportunity for you to seek out some of your own pleasures that He has placed in your life. 

{Chia Seeds} 

These little suckers contain five times more calcium than milk. Seven times the vitamin C of oranges. Three times more iron than spinach. Twice the potassium content of a banana. Plenty of omega-3 fatty acids and so many more health benefits. 

When I worry about not getting enough nutrients from my diet, adding these seeds to a morning smoothie, oatmeal, or yogurt has kept my mind (and body) at ease. 

{Coconut Oil}

Everybody is talking about it. And although I haven't ventured too far into the culinary world of coconut oil, I've ADORED it for my stretching, dry, and itchy skin. 

An evening bath with a teaspoon or two, or a quick rub on the belly- and my skin is nourished and protected. It restores blood circulation, is packed with skin-essential vitamins, and aids in skin elasticity (for those darn stretch marks). 

{Mama Bee Belly Butter}

To piggy-back on the coconut oil, my growing bump has certainly appreciated Burts Bees' maternity lotion. Plus, it's the first thing I own that has "MAMA" written on it. It makes me smile every morning. 

{Eggs}

I'll be honest. I rarely get the recommended 75-100 grams of high-quality protein that is recommended during your second trimester. Eggs (at 6 grams) have offered me a good protein addition to my day. And with so many options on how to prepare them, I rarely get bored with the same thing (like I currently am with oatmeal).

For more information on pregnancy and fertility nutrition, I highly recommend Nina Planck's book, Real Food for Mother and Baby. It gave me a ton of insight on preparing for pregnancy (especially after my miscarriage) and how to eat properly when you finally are "eating for two".

{A Good Prenatal Vitamin}

All pregnant women need to take 'em. I prefer this one. Easy on my stomach, packed with vitamins and minerals from raw food, and only 3 capsules. It makes my day easier. That's all I have to say. 

{Water}

Another no-brainer but it's really been a pleasure for me. Keeping the baby and I hydrated has helped reduced dehydration (duh), headaches, nausea, dizziness and a whole bunch of other annoying things.

{Friends & Their Loaner Books}

I've been blessed with many friends, who have gently shared with me their thoughts and advice on becoming a mother. I haven't felt pressured to follow any one certain philosophy, and really appreciate the resources they have so kindly offered.

Books, although sometimes dangerously loaded with too much information, have given me new perspectives and information on pregnancy, labor and parenthood.  

If you have thoughts or tips on pregnancy, labor, and motherhood, I'd love to hear them... I do have another 16 weeks to go! 

count your blessings

"Thanks be unto God for His {unspeakable gift}." 

2 Corinthians 9:15

Miscarriage is a tough thing, a painful thing, but for Jeff and I, it's also part of a bigger picture. Through our experience this summer, I've been learning how to cling to God, trust in his goodness, and find comfort and peace in his will, not mine. It's been a hard journey but one I knew God would bring beauty out of.

I will always love our first baby and can't wait to meet him in heaven, but I'm also excited to share that we are pregnant again!

Through the last six months, I've been learning that pregnancy truly is an unspeakable gift. It is something you do not have control over. To stand by and know that God is knitting another person inside me leaves me speechless.

{Speechless & Grateful}

And so as we embark on the rest of this pregnancy journey, I intend to keep my focus on my blessings, and not my worries (my usual pitfall).  I hope to continue to cherish each moment while Jeff and I prepare for our biggest task yet, raising a child of our own.

I am counting my blessings this season... 

and boy do I have a lot! 

My prayer is that as I start to open up about pregnancy and miscarriage, God will use our experiences for his good. Please feel free to contact me if  you want to talk. Our last post about miscarriage can be found here. 

With Love, Becca 

Our beautiful pictures were taken by our dear friends Brooke and Josh  at Living Reflection Photography. View more of our pictures on her blog. 

through joy and tears: reflections on a year's journey

As I look back on the last year of life, I reflect on a time full of change. Not only did practically all my physical surroundings change, I, myself changed. Transformed in ways I had hoped and also in ways that I could have never imagined. From the time I spent on the lively His Little Feet tour bus, to the quiet moments alone with Jeff, through 36 different states, and thousands of faces, God used each moment to teach me and mold me. I thought I'd share some of my biggest lessons with you below.

I learned that loving is far more an action than a word.

A child will know love not by what you say, but how you smile at them. The more time you take to care for, listen, and laugh with a child, the more that child feels loved. It's not about providing a child with things, it's about providing that child with security in the truth... that he or she is more precious than pearls. This is true for us all as children. The more time we spend listening to our Heavenly Father, the more we see and feel His love. It's not just merely written, it is proven through action.

I learned that what they say is true- it is more blessed to give than to receive.

It would take a blog post far too long for me to share with you how many times God proved the blessing of servant-hood to me this year. When I look back at all the hours of work, I can truthfully say that I gained far more than I could ever give. Those children taught me more than I taught them. I could stand proud that Jeff and I gave one year to traveling with a ministry, but honestly, one year wasn't isn't enough. My giving is not what blessed me. It was God that blessed me. Not because I deserve it but for some reason, He still chose to bless my socks off.

I learned to love a life of adventure full of purpose AND discomfort.

God doesn't call us to a life of comfort and meritocracy, but a life of adventure. Through traveling and being pushed far outside of my comfort-zone, I came to see that full life, as He meant for it to be, is found when you step outside the boat and live on faith. Although this year was an adventure, it was more importantly an adventure with a purpose: to shine light on the truth of the Gospel and to give Him glory. This is still my purpose, and I pray that I will not go back to into my comfort-zone, but be willing to be used however God sees fit.

I learned that tears are sometimes more important than laughter.

Sometimes the best prayers are spoken with tears in the eyes. Sometimes, the only way to convey truth is through being vulnerable. Maybe it's a child's hurt foot or an adult woman's freak-out over hotel laundry (yes, that was me), but there is something healing about tears. Before we left on tour, my dad allowed me ten, ok, three, mega-break-downs. I have to admit I used all ten, three, (and had a handful of minor break downs as well). But those times were used to teach me something, to show areas of weakness. To display my need for more faith, trust and growth. And without those tears, I wouldn't have grown.

I learned that out of ashes, God creates beauty; and it's way more beautiful than you'd ever imagine.

This year I witnessed sweet lives, that in ten months time, transformed from old and broken into new, beautiful creations. God worked wonders in their lives as they grew to know their Heavenly Father. God promised that He would not leave us as orphans (John 14:18), but He would come to us. I watched this truth come alive in the most beautiful way this year. And he also came to me, an orphan, and made something of me that I could not have created on my own.

I learned I am a mother. 

This year God introduced children into my life that I will always love and cherish. Five beautiful faces from across the world radically changed my life. They taught me how to worry like a mother, soothe like a mother, love like a mother. And it was that lesson that I will forever cherish. They taught me that it didn't matter the length of time I would "mother them" or if we shared the same address or last name. It mattered that I cared about them and would do anything for them. That's what made me a mother. It was that lesson that walked me through the hardest season of my life thus far: having to say hello and goodbye to a little life created inside me. This summer while on tour, Jeff and I miscarried our first child. And though the pain of losing a child was is more than I could have ever imagined, God reminded me that it didn't matter if I couldn't hold my baby or rock him to sleep, I was still a mother. I have those five beautiful faces (and a very gracious Savior) to thank for that.

They forever changed me. {God forever changed me.}

My prayer is that I will not forget those changes, but continue to be transformed, 

to grow more into the likeness of my King. 

And as I do, 
cherish those who walked beside me through it all.

{deeper still} : true life

I rolled down my window as Jeff pulled out of the driveway, towards our evening alone time. I looked at those five beautiful faces riding on bicycles (one of which just learned a few minutes ago) and said, “Goodnight. I love you. Afekirhalehu. (I love you in their native tongue.)” They all smiled and waved. One quietly looked towards my window and said,

“Thank you for loving me.”

These are the moments I wish I could permanently capture and engrave into my mind. The beautiful moments of peace sitting next to a sleeping child. The hilarious broken-English stories. The hugs. The smiles. The adventures and the miles... many many miles. 

And yet, why is it instead of cherishing these moments, I continually catch myself looking ahead to what is next? What is it about our culture, that our hearts are not easily satisfied with the here-and-now?  We ignore the blessing God is currently handing us. May I dare to say that it could be because my thoughts are normally directed towards myself?

No, I don’t dare to say... I will most certainly say it. I think about myself too much. In this fallen world, it is only natural to think that it revolves around me. I am saddened by this truth. But I am also encouraged by this one... He created the world. He created me. Not to love myself. To love Him... and then to love others. It is not about me... if it was, I would be doomed. It's about Him and His rescue in my life. I have been made free, no longer enslaved to myself and my sin. And now I have been given a beautiful and honorable role. A role quite like our moon...

"What does the moon do? She generates no light. Contrary to the lyrics of the song, this harvest moon cannot shine on. Apart from the sun, the moon is nothing more than a pitch black, pockmarked rock. But properly positioned, the moon beams. Let her do what she was made to do, and a clod of dirt becomes a source of inspiration, yea, verily, romance." - Max Lucado, It's Not About Me 

As I step into the next year of life, and the next 4 months, traveling, working, and loving these children... may I learn to be a more beautiful moon, a better reflection. May my heart learn the beauty of satisfaction... the beauty of each moment, each memory. May they become written {deeper still} into my thoughts and heart. May I take my eyes off of myself and place them on something far more breathtaking. 

take hold

of that which is

{truly life}

1 Timothy 6:18

i have fallen in love with five beautiful faces

Little hands, shoeless feet, lonely eyes looking back at me     Will we leave behind the innocent too brief 
On their own, on the run when their lives have only begun These could be our daughters and our sons                           And just like a drum I can hear their hearts beating

I know my God won’t let them be defeated

Every child has a dream to belong and be loved

Kings &Queens by Audio Adrenalin

In October Jeff and I decided to travel with His Little Feet for a year. Our job: to help lead an international children's choir comprised of 19 orphaned children from India, Haiti and Ethiopia.  Although our original plan was to be on the road in November, some unforeseen delays gave us the precious opportunity to spend the last two months living with five Ethiopian children and six staff members. We have taken this time to learn more about each other and grow as a team.

{it has been a cherished season}

And now, that season is coming to an end. On Monday, the His Little Feet choir will head west to California to officially begin our tour! Although we are still anticipating the arrival of 14 Haitian and Indian children, God has blessed us with the opportunity to share our message of {God's heart for the Fatherless}, along with children who have already been rescued. We are excited for this next chapter of our lives and I hope to share along the way. I do not know exactly what our next year will look like, but that is what makes it an adventure. This journey is not mapped out by me, I am just a willing participant.

I know that I have no idea what
 the next year tomorrow has in store.

 I know that each smile, laugh & tear

 is one to be cherished.

 I know that my prayer is that my words

 and actions show love and truth.

 I know I am called to go deeper into 

a relationship with my Maker.

 I know there will be challenges

 outside of my comfort zone.

 I know I am exactly where God has called me to be.

the cry of my heart

Lord, make me an {instrument of your peace}

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much 

seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

 ~ St. Franscis of Assisi

be still and know

There is more to life than increasing its speed. - Mohanda K. Gandhi 

We all know that in life we have our ups and downs, our excitements and our sorrows. But through it all, my hope is to maintain peace, have faith, and live life to the fullest. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not good at this, but it is something I'm working towards.  Lately, I've tried to steer away from the medical "fix-its" for depression and/or anxiety, and start to learn some natural ways to relax. Here's my list so far... 


1. Healthy diet: I've noticed the more healthy I eat, the better I feel. 
2. Cooking: Trying a new recipe always helps me refocus. 
3. Bubble baths: Even just 10 minutes does the job. 
4. Candles: They provide a calming atmosphere and wonderful aroma. Can't go wrong with mint eucalyptus candles on a stress-filled day!

5. Physical touch: Sometimes a back rub or even just a hug is all I need. 

6. Omega-3 fatty acids: I've really seen a difference since I started taking fish oil. It might be all in the mind, but if it seems to help, I must be doing something right!
7.  Yoga: Exercise in general is always good for the soul. Yoga just happens to be what works WONDERS for me!

8.  Sunlight: My mom always told me she was happiest on a boat in the sun. Vitamin D is a natural mood-lifter and absolutely works for me! 
9. Wonderful company: Surrounding myself with people I care is not only rejuvenating when I'm stressed, but it's a essential for preventing stress as well. 
10. Deep Relationship with the Almighty: The more I learn about God's sovereignty and the promises He has made me,  the more I  realize that I gain nothing by worrying.


I am realizing how important it is to take in the moments of life, BE STILL and rest in the promises God has made me. I pray that in my openness, you can contemplate the things that help you stay renewed and at peace. 

Yours truly, 

 Becca 

a taste of heaven: our african journey

Click here to view this photo book larger

just the beginning

thank you africa

thank you for your welcome

thank you for your hugs and smiles

thank you for your laughter and memories 

thank you for the stories and the experience

but more importantly, 

thank you africa for the TRUTH

thank you for opening my eyes

thank you for your vulnerability

thank you for your cries of pain 

and thank you for the heart break

thank you for tearing down the walls 
and uncovering the foundation
thank you for your challenge 
thank you for the guilt and conviction
thank you africa


but "thank you" just isn't enough
"thank you" doesn't express my thoughts 
or even begin to illustrate my heart
"thank you" is just the beginning 
my beginning - no - HIS beginning

i need africa more than africa needs me... sneak peak!