through joy and tears: reflections on a year's journey

As I look back on the last year of life, I reflect on a time full of change. Not only did practically all my physical surroundings change, I, myself changed. Transformed in ways I had hoped and also in ways that I could have never imagined. From the time I spent on the lively His Little Feet tour bus, to the quiet moments alone with Jeff, through 36 different states, and thousands of faces, God used each moment to teach me and mold me. I thought I'd share some of my biggest lessons with you below.

I learned that loving is far more an action than a word.

A child will know love not by what you say, but how you smile at them. The more time you take to care for, listen, and laugh with a child, the more that child feels loved. It's not about providing a child with things, it's about providing that child with security in the truth... that he or she is more precious than pearls. This is true for us all as children. The more time we spend listening to our Heavenly Father, the more we see and feel His love. It's not just merely written, it is proven through action.

I learned that what they say is true- it is more blessed to give than to receive.

It would take a blog post far too long for me to share with you how many times God proved the blessing of servant-hood to me this year. When I look back at all the hours of work, I can truthfully say that I gained far more than I could ever give. Those children taught me more than I taught them. I could stand proud that Jeff and I gave one year to traveling with a ministry, but honestly, one year wasn't isn't enough. My giving is not what blessed me. It was God that blessed me. Not because I deserve it but for some reason, He still chose to bless my socks off.

I learned to love a life of adventure full of purpose AND discomfort.

God doesn't call us to a life of comfort and meritocracy, but a life of adventure. Through traveling and being pushed far outside of my comfort-zone, I came to see that full life, as He meant for it to be, is found when you step outside the boat and live on faith. Although this year was an adventure, it was more importantly an adventure with a purpose: to shine light on the truth of the Gospel and to give Him glory. This is still my purpose, and I pray that I will not go back to into my comfort-zone, but be willing to be used however God sees fit.

I learned that tears are sometimes more important than laughter.

Sometimes the best prayers are spoken with tears in the eyes. Sometimes, the only way to convey truth is through being vulnerable. Maybe it's a child's hurt foot or an adult woman's freak-out over hotel laundry (yes, that was me), but there is something healing about tears. Before we left on tour, my dad allowed me ten, ok, three, mega-break-downs. I have to admit I used all ten, three, (and had a handful of minor break downs as well). But those times were used to teach me something, to show areas of weakness. To display my need for more faith, trust and growth. And without those tears, I wouldn't have grown.

I learned that out of ashes, God creates beauty; and it's way more beautiful than you'd ever imagine.

This year I witnessed sweet lives, that in ten months time, transformed from old and broken into new, beautiful creations. God worked wonders in their lives as they grew to know their Heavenly Father. God promised that He would not leave us as orphans (John 14:18), but He would come to us. I watched this truth come alive in the most beautiful way this year. And he also came to me, an orphan, and made something of me that I could not have created on my own.

I learned I am a mother. 

This year God introduced children into my life that I will always love and cherish. Five beautiful faces from across the world radically changed my life. They taught me how to worry like a mother, soothe like a mother, love like a mother. And it was that lesson that I will forever cherish. They taught me that it didn't matter the length of time I would "mother them" or if we shared the same address or last name. It mattered that I cared about them and would do anything for them. That's what made me a mother. It was that lesson that walked me through the hardest season of my life thus far: having to say hello and goodbye to a little life created inside me. This summer while on tour, Jeff and I miscarried our first child. And though the pain of losing a child was is more than I could have ever imagined, God reminded me that it didn't matter if I couldn't hold my baby or rock him to sleep, I was still a mother. I have those five beautiful faces (and a very gracious Savior) to thank for that.

They forever changed me. {God forever changed me.}

My prayer is that I will not forget those changes, but continue to be transformed, 

to grow more into the likeness of my King. 

And as I do, 
cherish those who walked beside me through it all.