With love, to Russia

The last couple of days have been very emotional for me, and although there is no real trigger, I know where the feelings stem from- a little girl in Russia.

I knew when I started working in the adoption field I would have the chance to witness many miracles. I would get to see kids find forever homes, parents finally have a son or daughter, and be able to watch them grow up. (That's my favorite part of the job- looking at pictures of the kids as they come in. 6 months after adoption, a year after, two years... it truly is miraculous to see.)
I probably also knew that with the positive of adoption, came the negative. I understood how many orphans were out there and how hard it was to find good homes for these kids. But I guess I never expected God to move so strongly and break my heart so soon.

This summer God begin to speak to me through a little girl. With her little frame, olive complexion, and dark brown eyes came the heart of an innocent child. At only ten years old, she has probably been through more struggles than I will ever face. With no parents, no family, no home- she lives in orphanage with 50 other children. They care and love each other the best that they can, but the fact remains the same; it is still an orphanage.

As the week went by and I spent more time with her, I realized that God was stirring something inside my heart. I could barely communicate with her but still managed to make her smile and laugh. Hearing her say my name, asking me to watch her while she played, searching for my eye contact in a crowd- I knew this was a special child who was going to teach me a lot.

One day while driving, I looked in the back seat and saw this precious little girl sleeping peacefully and it made me wonder- What does she dream about? What does she hope for? Is it a family? ... someone to tell her she is special, important and loved? ... a mom? I quickly realized that I would probably never know the answer to many of those questions and even more regrettably, would never be able to give her those desires. But still I thought about what God's plan was for my life. Was I meant to try and make a difference for millions of orphans throughout the world, or just love one? Did God purposely put this angel in my life to teach me His heart for the orphan?

Since meeting her, my dreams often consist of her, my prayers always involve her and my longings often are just to hold her. I would do almost anything to be able to travel to her orphanage, hug her, smile at her, and tell her how loved she is by God and me. But I can't. I can only hope that a loving family would find her and bring her home. I can only wait on God to ease my heart ache and hope that He shows me His plan.

So that's what I'm going to do. Wait patiently and silently send my love to Russia...